


We Invented the Internet: Time-Wasters

by Jane St Clair (3jane)



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-07
Updated: 2011-08-07
Packaged: 2017-10-22 08:49:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/236271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3jane/pseuds/Jane%20St%20Clair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first weekly all-Atlantis poll question is 'What's the best movie in the history of the universe?'</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Invented the Internet: Time-Wasters

The first weekly all-Atlantis poll question is 'What's the best movie in the history of the universe?'

 

This isn't why they designed the polling system. They designed it to get fast responses on issues of concern to the entire Atlantis community. Things like which day was going to be Saturday and which people should never be allowed to cook.

 

All the hard scientists, maybe a third of the soft scientists, and a largish collection of the marines already know how to cheat on these things. Every day is Saturday (or it was until someone rigged the radios to play "Every Day is Like Sunday" at random intervals). Only those people sloppy enough to get caught changing the poll results have to cook.

 

Also, the Lord of the Rings, extended version, wins at the universe.

 

Further voting to be held on who in Atlantis is which LotR character.

 

*

 

Animation of the week: Wraith in a blender.

 

Teyla doesn't understand why it's funny. She hasn't been exposed to enough Australian accents.

 

Further voting indicates that the Athosians should be exposed to The Simpsons first, and Monty Python's Flying Circus only after that.

 

*

 

The Photoshop work putting the Atlantis-1 team's heads onto naked-people-painted-to-resemble-Marvel-Comics-characters is a bit sloppy.

 

Dr McKay doesn't actually look that much like Reed Richards.

 

Printout stuck to the EM lab door has 'he isn’t that bendy' scrawled on it.

 

Col. Sheppard appears as Sue Storm.

 

*

Interactive flash game of choice: shooting fish with a puddlejumper.

 

Carryover pieces from earth include pingu extreme and poke-the-penguin.

 

No one remembers how the penguin jokes started.

 

Bloggers keep lists of problems with the penguin thing.

 

Photoshopped images of the marine biology team as penguins only confuse things.

 

*

 

Where can you see penguins?

Only in Pegasus!

Come to Pegasus

We've got penguins!

 

Where can you see rainstorms?

Only in Pegasus!

Come to Pegasus

We've got rainstorms!

 

*

 

Quiz #12465: Guess what got loose on the north pier!

 

*

 

Hot Asian chixxx do physixxx for u.

 

Click here for webcam feed.

 

*

 

Random pictures found on the Random Atlantis Image Generator:

 

Self-portrait by female member of science team, face obscured by flash in mirror.

 

Baaaaaaaaby animals in the bio labs.

 

Baaaaaaaaby animals found on other planets.

 

Close-up of injuries sustained from baby animals. Fetishy amounts of blood.

 

Poorly-done sketch of Dr McKay whining about bug bites.

 

Better-done sketch of stick figure hugging whiny scientist, possibly meant to be McKay.

 

Pornographic images of unavailable chocolate products. Heavily featured: scans from the 1986 National Geographic on the subject.

 

Pile of furniture in unused part of city (three stories high and counting).

 

Cameraphone-quality images of Col. Sheppard bending over.

 

Self-portrait of Lt. Cadman in tank top, bending over to show cleavage, shot from extreme angle.

 

Somebody's hairy knees.

 

Porn.

 

Artistic photo-studies of dead, Ancient potted plants.

 

More porn.

 

More chocolate.

 

Security-camera quality images of Col. Sheppard in the gym.

 

Side-by-side shots comparing Dr. Zelenka to Nightcrawler: "Fuzzy Elf"

 

*

 

Poll #774: Which is better, Dr. Zelenka or Dr Pepper?

 

*

 

Chatlog for Suuuuuper Genius (wile.e.coyote@lantis.pg) and Engineers Do It With Precision (thecatisdead@lantis.pg)

 

thecatisdead: Rodney, go to bed. Internet will still be there in the morning.

 

wile.e.coyote is away: "I'm sorry. I'm busy making the universe work."

 

thecatisdead: *goes to find Rodney*

 

the catisdead signed off at 03:23 AST

wile.e.coyote signed off at 03:44 AST

 

*

 

Thought of the day:

 

God is Real, unless proclaimed integer

 


End file.
